True Hearts Move Heaven and Earth
by mjaw
Summary: Set S7. WARNING: Rather smutty again and VERY Spuffy as always. Buffy discovers an old piece of paper containing a spell, and the warning not to tear the paper up or something from the past will be put back into motion...
1. One Peice of Paper

Writing "True Hearts" I had no way of anticipating the great responses I'd get on it. Thank you SO much to mugirl, wendy, Falcon-Rider, oleanderrose, Anne, Kawaii, Rain Dancer, Fojiao2, Spufette, Haley, suzy, sugarspice, Emmylou, JJ, Anonymous, raine77, sita electra, VampiresKiss (check her site out!), charisma1525 and last but not in any way least Irrel. You made my day when I saw that high number of reviews! Absolutely fabulous!  
  
Now, I had no thought at writing a sequel whatsoever until some of you seemed to be eager at the idea and made a spark fly into me. BAD readers! ;) Well, there you see what a little encouragement can do, making a writer do just about anything for you guys! *grin* Hope some of ya will be back for this. Otherwise, color me red.  
  
This is set in season7 directly after last weeks ep. (which I didn't see so please don't flame me for small details being off, I've tried to keep it as low-key as possible.)  
  
This IS a S-e-q-u-e-l to "True Hearts" and though I believe you can read this without having read that I think it just might enhance this of you do read that. Get me?  
  
There will be four to five chapters to this story - thus three or four are to be posted within the next few days. HOPE to read some reviews and if so HOPE you guys like this!  
  
All My Love, Annie.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
True Hearts - Move Heaven and Earth  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-02-08  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She knocked softly on the door. The hesitation and carefulness of her manner was brought on by deep insecurity with what she had done, how she had decided; and with where the fact of that decision was taking them, what it meant to the both of them.  
  
"Come in," his voice sounded from behind the door and she drew a small breath before she put her hand on the knob and twisted it, pushing the door open she let the knob go and kept herself in the doorway as he looked up from where he was seated on her bed and met her gaze.  
  
God, how haunted those blue eyes of his always were these days.  
  
Pushing the thought away she crossed her arms gingerly over her chest and then rested one shoulder against the doorframe before she asked softly:  
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
He smiled tentatively, then broke eyecontact as he looked down at his hands.  
  
"Oh, you know," he replied, voice low. "The wounds heal pretty quick on me," he added and she smiled a little as well.  
  
"Well, good," she said, not able to beat back the disliking of the stale conversation.  
  
She stood where she was for a few more moments and then made as to turn away, thinking she should leave him alone for a while, when he asked:  
  
"Why d' you do it?"  
  
She turned her head back to him, resting her eyes in his as she wanted to find the rightful answer. The honest answer. And she felt herself recoil. She couldn't...  
  
"I just..." she began, trailing off and she knew he could see the growing tension on her as his gaze grew questioning and searching.  
  
"Buffy..." he said slowly and she smiled again, this time dismissively.  
  
"I didn't have much time to make the decision," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"And your gut-highly-evolved-Slayer-instincts told you to get the chip outta my scull?" he wondered, sounding rather disbelieving and she shuffled her feet uncomfortably, not answering him this time. "Buffy," he said her name again and now she turned from him, leaving the room as she mumbled:  
  
"Get some sleep."  
  
***  
  
"You look so tired," Willow said as Buffy walked into the living room to join the Wiccan on the couch.  
  
"Same to you," the Slayer replied with a weak smile, taking a seat to her friend's right and leaning back against the cushions.  
  
"Yeah, guess we have reason," Willow sighed and Buffy closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead with one hand and shaking her head a little.  
  
"What have I done, Wills?" she grumbled, opening her eyes to look at the redhead. "What if he loses his soul? What if something just goes terribly wrong and he LOSES it?! If he goes out killing again it'll be those person's blood on MY hands."  
  
Willow smiled slightly at that.  
  
"Spike got his soul back for YOU, Buffy. He made the decision as a full- scale vampire and he sacrificed everything... Do you really think he'd go back to killing after all that? Soul or no soul, chip or no chip?" she asked and Buffy grew self-conscious as she twined her fingers together hard on her lap. "Especially now, when you've showed him that you trust him."  
  
"I..." Buffy started at that, but she grew quiet as she settled back against the cushions again. "Why does it scare me so much? Why does this make me feel like I'm... crawling out of my own skin? It's worse than worrying about him stalking the streets waiting for an opportunity to suck me dry! Having him up there," she added silently, glancing at the stairs.  
  
"Well, if push comes to shove you'll be there to stake him, right?" Willow more stated than asked and Buffy's eyes grew slightly.  
  
The silence following made Willow raise her eyebrows.  
  
"Guess not, then?" she wondered and Buffy smiled a little, pulling her legs up before facing her friend again.  
  
"I don't know, Wills. He's already killed again, remember? I couldn't do it then... I just knew that it wasn't his fault," she then grumbled.  
  
Willow obsereved her for a few moments in silence, then she spoke.  
  
"I wish I could be the one with all the answers," she said earnestly. "I wish I could explain all the weird twists of every last extra-weird circumstance that we keep finding ourselves in... But I'm not the gal for that. The only one who can EVER answer any of the questions you have about what that vamp up there means to you is you, and you know that."  
  
Buffy fidgited with a wrinkle on the black trousers she was wearing and then she nodded.  
  
"Yeah," she murmured. "I know that."  
  
They grew quiet, but it was of the easy, between-friends kind and so none of them cared to mind. Willow again was the first to speak as she asked:  
  
"Do you think that you might have any sort of...warmer f-..."  
  
"No," Buffy almost snapped and Willow once more raised her eyebrows, questioningly. "No," Buffy repeated before getting to her feet. "I really am tired. I think I'll head up, if you don't mind?" she added and Willow shook her head.  
  
"'Course not," she assured.  
  
"Good night," Buffy said and Willow watched the former leave the room with a concerned furrowing of her brow.  
  
"Yeah," she murmured. "Good night."  
  
***  
  
Buffy dragged her feet as she walked down the hall to the door of Willow's bedroom. Stopping she glanced at her own door and then she proceeded through the former, closing it tightly behind her before leaning against it.  
  
She hated the confusion he ALWAYS caused her. He had been confusing her since the first moment she laid eyes on him, in one frustrating way or another. Always there. Always a stubborn part of her life. And now...  
  
What had he done? What had he done for her?! Why wouldn't he listen to her? Why did he simply refuse to hear her when she said that she couldn't. She couldn't love him.  
  
I can't, she thought. It's not the soul, it's not the vampire in him...he's just not...'it' for me.  
  
She just hated the sense of loneliness eating at her whenever she thought about that fact. And she knew that feeling was the ultimate villain. She could NOT cling to him out of loneliness. She could never do that to him. Not ever.  
  
Running her hands through her hair she pushed away from the door with her back and then she walked up to the window of the room, looking outside and trying to get her thoughts to calm down. Crossing her arms over her chest she bit her jaws together.  
  
So, so many horrible memories were linked to him. Or at least the image of him. Him NOW was light-years away from him THEN. Though the way he looked at her was the same, and it scared her. That frightened her to the core.  
  
What had she done? What had she done to him?!  
  
Drawing a breath she turned from the window and walked up to the dresser standing against one wall. Leaning gently against it she reached out a hand and then brushed her fingertips against the picture frame holding a photograph of three smiling Scoobies. Buffy, Willow and Xander. Years ago. Spikeless years. Or...year.  
  
Why was everything suddenly revolving around him? He was on her mind constantly. She fretted over his well-being, she worried about the First coming after him again, she felt like her heart was breaking over the way he acted. So retracted. So silent and observant. So careful in his manner...  
  
About to turn to walk up and crawl under the covers of the awaiting bed her shoulder hit one of the notebooks placed at the edge of the top of the dresser and it fell to the floor with a low thump. Loose peices of paper scattered out of it at her feet and she grumbled as she squatted to pick them up.  
  
She worked quickly, gathering them into a pile before taking it in her hands to even it. As she was about to put them back within the covers of the notebook her eyes got caught on the first page.  
  
"To what I will  
  
thy will command  
  
these links of memory unfold  
  
Break them then  
  
and then thy hand  
  
will keep this chapter ever untold  
  
No means to take  
  
but take one link  
  
and make so that if needed be  
  
This paper torn  
  
will open eyes  
  
and make the spell once more set free."  
  
The writing was Willow's, undoubtedly, but what made Buffy's eyes grow was the small note the Wiccan seemed to have left herself. It seemed hastily scribbled down and it read:  
  
"Do NOT let this page get ruined or it'll hurt your best friend in the worst way possible! Keep it safe, even though you won't remember what for, and just trust yourself when you write that this spell is too powerful to release on Buffy EVER again! She made you do the forgetting spell you wrote down on the top of this page, and if you were to tear this paper up all hell would be set loose. Believe you me, that you mean that literally. It's too weird calling myself you and I need to stop anyways, so one last thing - DO NOT TEAR UP THIS PAGE! Love, Willow."  
  
Buffy smiled a little to herself, despite the sinking feeling in her heart region and the growing curiousity in her chest. Biting her lower lip slightly she moved her hand to the top of the page, taking the edge of it between her fingers and feeling the almost seductive urge to rip it apart.  
  
Backing off she shook her head at herself, moving her hand away and then replacing the papers in the notebook before rising to her feet and putting the book on the spot where it had been.  
  
"Stupid," she mumbled to herself before walking up to the bed and pulling the bedspread back.  
  
Undressing and putting on the pajamabottoms and top, which she had retrieved out of her own bedroom as the vampire took possession of it, she glanced at the notebook before crawling into bed.  
  
The feel of cool sheets and the soft pillow beneath her head was as soothing as she had pictured it earlier and she closed her eyes.  
  
In the matter of a minute she was turning onto her stomach, trying to find a more comfortable position. After half an hour's twisting and grumbling she threw the covers off of her and got out of bed.  
  
Walking downstairs she entered the kitchen where Kennedy and Willow were talking quietly. Both looked up and the Slayerette gave the Slayer a smile, which the latter returned before asking:  
  
"Would you excuse us for just a moment?"  
  
"Of course?" Kennedy replied and Willow looked rather wondering as she got off the stool and followed Buffy into the living room.  
  
"What?" the redhead asked and Buffy hesitated.  
  
"Well," she then said, "I accidently tipped over something in your bedroom," she added tryingly and Willow's eyes grew.  
  
"Not the green Garda bowl!" Willow nearly exclaimed and Buffy shook her head.  
  
"No, no. And - huh?" she asked, then shook her head as her friend was about to reply. "Never mind. I knocked down one of your notebooks and there were papers in it that kinda fell out and when I was picking them up I kinda..."  
  
"...saw the forgetting spell and all that comes with it," Willow filled in, nodding a little as though it was clear as day before adding: "Bad Slayer!"  
  
"I know," Buffy sighed. "And I'm really sorry. You know I'd never snoop... Well, around YOUR stuff. But... what is it? I mean, why's it so important you don't tare that sheet of paper? And what's it have to do with me?"  
  
"I don't know," Willow answered. "It's a forgetting spell, remember? It tends to make you forget. I obviously put a loop hole in there for SOME reason... I mean, I made it so that if the paper's torn then the spell that caused me to cast the forgetting spell will be put back into motion," she added and Buffy looked rather lost.  
  
Willow smiled.  
  
"I understand why you're curious. How do you think I'VE felt all these years?" she asked and now Buffy's eyes grew.  
  
"YEARS?" she asked and Willow looked apprehensive.  
  
"I dunno if I should be telling you this," she said, but Buffy merely gave her a look and so the Wiccan moved on. "Alright. I cast that spell three and a half years ago," she now stated and Buffy stared at her.  
  
"Three years?" the Slayer breathed. "What can possibly have been the reason for it?!"  
  
"Buffy," Willow warned.  
  
"What?" Buffy replied, trying on an innocent expression but Willow smiled again.  
  
"Let's REALLY not go there, shall we? I may not always be the alfa female of the group, but when it comes to stuff I tell myself I take myself VERY seriously," she now said and Buffy returned her smile.  
  
"You're right," she concurred. "Whatever the reason it must've been really good," she added, giving Willow a hug before turning to go back upstairs.  
  
"You understand that spell isn't to play with, don't you?!" Willow called after her as the Slayer exited the living room in favor for the hall.  
  
"Yes, yes," the latter assured, ascending the stairs.  
  
Buffy walked down the hall to have another go at the going-to-bed part of her evening when something almost pulled her in the direction of her own bedroom door and before she could stop herself she placed a hand against it. Leaning forward slightly to try to listen through it.  
  
Her hand slid down to the doorknob and she just about turned it, then she changed her mind and backed away before turning and walking into Willow's room instead. Once more closing the door behind her she took the few steps up to the edge of the bed and sat down.  
  
Sighing she felt wide awake and after another minute of simply staring at the wall before her she decided to get up to have herself a little walkabout. She just happened to circle up to the dresser again - to have another look at the photograph clicked with a camera in her age of innocense, nothing more. She really had grown as a person and as a Slayer since then. Of course, going from sixteen to twenty-two just might do that to you, she supposed.  
  
Her eyes once more landed on the notebook. With two moments of being incredibly close to reaching out her hand to grab the book she then decided against it. Willow really was right. The spell wasn't to play around with. She herself had obviously had a REASON to have Willow put a forgetting spell on the both of them. And whoever else that might be involved in it.  
  
Taking a step forward to walk up to the window her shoulder hit the book and her eyes widened as it slipped off the shelf. Her instincts took over and she reached out her hand to grab it before it hit the floor. The loose papers had already begun to slide out of it and her fingers missed the actual book but grasped the top three sheets. There was a ripping sound and she practically gasped with surprise as she sunk to her knees. Her fingers releasing the still half covered by the notebook sheets and her hand trembling as the fact of what she had just done slowly filled her head.  
  
Maybe it hadn't been the sheet containing the spell that made the noise. Hopeful she reached out and flipped the front cover of the notebook open. The written words creating the spell were now devided - on two parts of the paper since the top half of the sheet had been torn in half.  
  
"Uh-oh," Buffy breathed.  
  
How did this happen! She hadn't even WANTED it to! Damn it! Willow was gonna have a quiet and Willow-y yet very distinct fit!  
  
Okay, then there was the fact of the other SPELL! What was gonna happen? Lightening from the sky?  
  
Buffy moved her eyes, taking in her surroundings and finding herself holding her breath.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Well, nothing as of yet, she remarked dryly to herself in her mind. But you just wait a few minutes or hours or whatever and then you see what hell on Earth you've created with this absolutely idiotic mess-up!  
  
Tape! She just might be able to fix it. Getting to her feet she brought the notebook with her and made sure the papers were tucked into it before she put it back on the dresser for the second time within the hour. She wasn't sure that Willow had any of the supplies she needed, but she was positive she had some herself, in the drawer of her bedside table.  
  
Walking up to the door, through it and then up to her own she stopped. Swallowing she hesitated. She seemed to do nothing but hesitate when it came to him.  
  
Slowly she reached out her hand, put it on the knob and turned it.  
  
Please, let him be asleep. Please, let him be asleep.  
  
Her prayers were answered as she could hear his soft breathing.  
  
Thank God, she thought, sneaking inside and closing the door gently behind her as her eyes rested on her goal - bedside table drawer.  
  
Taking a steadying breath she carefully approached it.  
  
She wasn't sure why, but she didn't dare to look at him. Afraid that something as small as that might stir him awake. Not so sure why she was suddenly close to petrified of the thought of having to face him...  
  
Her heart was beating hard in her chest as she stopped and reached out her hand to grab the small handle of the drawer. Taking a hold on it she almost closed her eyes in anticipation as she began to pull it out. Finally having a gap wide enough she leaned forward slightly and looked inside, her eyes landing on the plastic container of the roll of tape and she smiled to herself.  
  
Easy.  
  
Sticking her hand inside and bringing it out she pushed the drawer back in place and then straightened her back, about to turn around and leave when his left hand suddenly twitched right next to her leg and she drew a breath in surprise as she took a step backward, her eyes landing on the hand in question and her heart skipped a beat.  
  
She felt nailed to the floor as she stared at the soft curve of his thumb and the powerful gentleness she knew lay within those other four fingers of his. She dropped the tape and it fell to land on the carpet at her feet, but she didn't even notice she wasn't holding it anymore.  
  
He had such beautiful hands.  
  
The thought was enveloping her mind and she couldn't get out of it. It kept repeating itself and she took a small step forward and then sunk to her knees as she kept observing the back of his hand, the stretch of his fingers that were resting on the covers.  
  
Almost in a trance she reached out her right hand to let her fingers slip over his, turning her hand over so that the back of it slid gently against the back of HIS hand and then moving her arm so she could slide her fingers to grace his palm.  
  
Closing her eyes she suddenly found herself smiling to herself. Then she leaned forward and placed her lips carefully against the smoothe skin between the knuckles of his index- and middle finger before moving her head and resting her forehead against the spot.  
  
Something was... happening to her. What had she come in here for again? She couldn't remember. Everything seemed so dim except for... him.  
  
She raised her head to look up at his face. Pulling herself to her feet as she leaned over him she placed her face above his and then moved her left leg to put it on the other side of him, straddling him. Her hands rested against his chest and she felt a jolt slowly run through her as her fingers took in the taut muscles beneath the thin T-shirt he was wearing.  
  
Why was he wearing clothes to bed? He never wore clothes to bed!  
  
Almost annoyed she straightened her back, looking down at the sleeping vampire and frowning.  
  
What's happening?  
  
Then she smiled again.  
  
She knew.  
  
Reaching up her hands she took a hold on the hem of the T by his throat and then she ripped it open. It was surprisingly easy how such subtle details - as all the times she had ruined T-shirts, shirts and whatever else he might have decided to wear in his foolishness when they were at the peak of their affair the year prior - came back to her.  
  
Sometimes he had merely smirked and returned the favor. Other times he had let hear a loud "bloody hell, Slayer! Do you think I sodding steal my clothes purely for the fun of you tearing them off of me?!"  
  
She almost grinned at the memory of that complaint.  
  
Of course he had.  
  
Then she grew serious as her eyes slid over his naked chest. Biting her lower lip she could feel the need for him start to take over completely and it actually shocked her how unchanged it was. How raw and pure and how natural it felt.  
  
Natural...  
  
She almost jerked herself away from him as a wave of panic rose beneath her bossom. However, for the first time that panic had no footing, and it had to give way to the growing emotion which seemed to be rooting out everything else.  
  
She leaned forward again, her hands sliding up his torso and he stirred gently.  
  
She stopped as her face once more was positioned right above his and then she closed her eyes as she slowly moved it forward. Her lips almost trembling as they softly connected with his and she felt like she needed to cry. She kissed his upper lip and then his lower before pressing both of hers to his mouth and now he moaned, sleep eluding him at last.  
  
She heard the surprised intake of breath and opened her eyes to rest them in his.  
  
The emotion within her surfaced with no restraints and in that moment she knew, she really knew; and she was defenseless against it.  
  
He looked questioning, but what made her smile this time was the never dying hope beneath the blue of his gaze.  
  
He had never given up on her. Not really. Then again, does anyone ever truly give up on someone that they love.  
  
No, they don't.  
  
"Buf-..." he tried, but she cut him off by slipping her tongue out and into his mouth, kissing him deeply as she relaxed her upper-body into his; her hands sliding up and into his hair.  
  
He returned the kiss confused and tentative at first, and then she could feel his hunger grow and the kiss grew more passionate with it. His hands travelled up her back, to her shoulderblades to press her to him.  
  
Rolling her over, their bodies still entangled, so that he was ontop of her he moved his mouth to kiss the side of her throat. Her hands took a harder hold on his hair and she drew a deep breath before moaning softly.  
  
He was surrounded by her and all that mattered to him was the feeling of her close to him again. He didn't care why, he didn't care how, he didn't care. She was everything and right now everything was his to have. He couldn't let that go. He had missed her so badly.  
  
"Spike," she whispered, kissing his shoulder and then resting her forehead against it as he kept moving his lips over her skin.  
  
"Buffy," he mumbled, pulling himself up to look down at her and she met his eyes with such a suddenly tender expression in her own that he frowned slightly.  
  
She had never looked at him like that.  
  
Then she moved her head up and her lips once more locked with his, both deepening the kiss almost harshly as the months without the other began to grow into awareness.  
  
Spike had no idea for how long they kissed. It could have been minutes, it could have been an hour, but after that time had passed the kiss slowly but surely grew slower. The exploring their hands were doing grew lingering and more precise; causing them both to shiver whenever one of them hit a familiar spot of pleasure.  
  
He was the one to break the kiss and once again move his head to trace the outlining of her neck with his lips. Her hands were on his shoulders and then her arms slid around his neck as she pulled herself closer to him, hugging him so tight it made him stop what he was doing.  
  
Burying his face against the side of her throat he slid his arms under her and hugged her back.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked silently.  
  
"Don't stop," she whispered, voice shaky.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"I love you," she now stated slowly and his eyes shot open. "Spike, I love you so much..." 


	2. Leads to the Moving

Wow! Hehe, this is way fun! Thanks for all the reviews! Of course some of you may have figured out just how much the threat of usage of Vengeance demons still stands! ;)  
  
Much thanks to lAURA, Anne, Bubblebuster, wendy, sita, ezba, Haley, Spuffygirl and dutchbuffy2305! You guys really made my day! It's such a boost to read your thoughts and to read that you like this! Please, keep it up - I crrraaave it! Hand on heart, I appreciate the gesture a whole lot! Thank you all!  
  
ALSO I realized I made a rather critical error. Willow was supposed to say "I cast the spell three years ago" - not "three and a half years ago." Sorry! I hope some answers will come with this chapter... Any confusion please let me know. ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie.  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"Willow!"  
  
The loud yell from the vampire, as he came down the steps of the stairs rapidly, made the redhead rush out into the hallway from the kitchen to meet him, her eyes big and worried.  
  
She was met by the sight of Spike with the two peices of the torn up T flapping out at his sides as he stormed towards her before stopping to face her. And then there was Buffy, who looked distraught and pleading at the same time, as she followed the vampire on his heels - trying to make him turn and face her by grabbing his arm, which he kept tearing out of her grip.  
  
"Something's wrong," he stated to the questioning Wicca and the latter blinked, looking from the vampire to the Slayer.  
  
"Spike," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Spike, LOOK at me!"  
  
"No," he answered. "I'm not bloody looking at you 'til we have this straightened out."  
  
"What?" Willow asked. "WHAT are you going to 'straighten out'?!"  
  
"Her," Spike said, pointing a finger at Buffy who almost smiled, once more shaking her head and settling to let him speak as she crossed her arms over her chest. "SHE'S what needs to be 'straightened out'. SHE'S what's gone wrong. She just... told me something that was kinda unnerving."  
  
Willow raised her eyebrows.  
  
"I told you the TRUTH!" Buffy exclaimed. "I thought you'd be delirious with happiness by now!"  
  
"Don't you bloody make this into a joke, Slayer!" he shot back, finally turning his head to her and she could see sparks of the old Spike in the anger tracing his irisis.  
  
"I-I'm not," she stuttered in protest, looking at him and Willow's eyes grew slightly as the Slayer's face softened. "I'm just saying," she added silently.  
  
"What you're saying is the problem," Spike replied and she pouted slightly.  
  
"You're being mean to me. Don't you think that..."  
  
"Don't make me gag you," he warned and she shut her mouth with another pout. "She said 'I love you'," he added, turning to Willow, whose eyes now turned very round and almost glossy.  
  
"She-she told you what?" she asked.  
  
"I told him," Buffy answered in Spike's stead before reaching up a hand and placing it by his chin before making him look at her again, then she finished: "I love you."  
  
Spike broke free, taking a step from her and shaking his head at her before sputtering:  
  
"See?! She's gone bloody bonkers in a cupple of hours! Something's off, Willow. I can feel it."  
  
Willow suddenly looked so guilty that the Vamp narrowed his eyes suspiciously.  
  
"You know what it is, don't you?" he asked and she hesitated before she nodded a little.  
  
Spike tried to break down the rising disappointment and the accompanying pain at the loss of Buffy's fictional love that had been sweet for the past five minutes. So sweet that he couldn't imagine what it would be like never to hear her say that she loved him ever again. He had dared to hope... but not to believe. And now...  
  
"This is ridiculous," Buffy interrupted his thoughts. "You're telling me I don't know how I feel?"  
  
Spike dismissed her input as he turned his attention on Willow again.  
  
"So, what is it? It's a spell, isn't it?" he asked and as Willow's eyes wandered out of his he didn't need a reply, he knew he had hit the jackpot with that one.  
  
Of course. Why else would the Slayer be throwing herself at him like this? He got an attack of guilty conscience as he thought of their make-out marathon upstairs. Then again, she had made the first move and considering the circumstances she wouldn't be able to say that he had "taken advantage", would she?  
  
"Okay," he grumbled, taking a moment to gather up the tumbling bundle of emotions inside. "I need you to tell me everything there is to this..."  
  
"You don't remember?" Willow interrupted him.  
  
Buffy turned her head to her friend with a questioning expression on her face, matching the one on the vampire's.  
  
"Remember what?" the Slayer asked.  
  
Willow stared at them and then she frowned slightly.  
  
"I don't remember either..." she murmured. "Okay, stay here," she added, walking past the two and proceeding up the stairs. "I'll be right back," she assured, disappearing from view.  
  
Spike leaned against the wall of the hallway. Feeling how Buffy moved closer as she leaned against it as well he turned his head to her. She smiled tryingly and he shook his head, looking away from her.  
  
"Spike," she practically whined. "I know this is sudden, but you can't act like it doesn't mean anything to you. Please!"  
  
He raised his eyebrows, looking back at her and warmth slowly poured into his eyes as he turned to lean with his shoulder against the wall, facing her. Reaching up a hand he placed it lightly on her cheek and she smiled, tilting her head and resting it against his palm.  
  
"I love you," he said quietly. "You know I always will love you, no matter what," he added and she was about to say something when he shook his head to stop her, removing his hand. "But this isn't real. What you're feeling isn't what you're feeling, it's a... smokescreen. Something that's been created, for some reason. And I was happy for about two thirds of a second when you first said words I've been craving to hear from you for so long, Buffy. But then I realized..."  
  
He blinked, trailing off.  
  
Upstairs Willow hesitated for one more second as she looked at the still not completely severed page in her hands. Weighing the pros and cons of what this might mean. On the other hand, if she couldn't remember what spell she had cast on Buffy then how was she going to be able to reverse it?  
  
She took a breath and ripped the sheet into two halves.  
  
"Realized?" Buffy asked and then a riptied of memories surged through her mind and she almost took a step back as the accounts for two days completely erased from her memory now filed back in the split moment of a second.  
  
Spike looked shocked, observing her with growing intensity and she understood that it was all coming back to him as well. She bit her jaws together.  
  
"That was before Riley," he said and her eyes grew slightly. "Why did you make Willow do a forgetting spell?" he demanded and now she did take a step back. "What were those two days really about?"  
  
She stared up at him.  
  
"The fact of how I feel," she answered silently, "whenever I'm near you."  
  
He almost grabbed her. He wanted to shake her. How had she thought she could take that into her hands? Make them all forget something so... Dammit! Then her words sunk in and he rested his eyes in hers, quizzical.  
  
"What?" he asked and she took the step deviding them as she reached up her arms and carefully put them around his neck, keeping eyecontact as she answered him:  
  
"I'm in love with you, Spike. Don't pull away from me. I've wasted enough time as it is away from you, out of your arms..."  
  
Her gaze slid to his lips and he closed his eyes, leaning froward and kissing her. The kiss deepened and he wrapped his arms tight around her. Was this happening? Was she actually standing there telling him that she...?  
  
The love - battled back for far too long - was almost ripping the Slayer from the inside as it now found it freed from its prison. It was flowing through her and she felt tears form in her eyes at the sensation of his mouth against hers. Everything was finally falling into place and she thought it almost impossible how the realization had struck her in the time of a second - when she had spent billions of seconds avoiding him and beating even the mere thought of falling in love with him back with clenched fists.  
  
Willow came down the stairs and stopped at the second last step, turning on it so that she could watch the two. Clearing her throat to get their attention she fingered the two peices of the torn up forgetting spell, which she still held in one hand. The two didn't even react. And so she cleared her throat a bit louder and Buffy ended the kiss gently before pulling away from him with a small smile and turning to the Wicca.  
  
"Sorry," the Slayer said, reaching back and grabbing a hold on Spike's arms before moving them to put them around her waist. "Was a bit wrapped up in the moment," she added wryly and Spike finally smiled, shaking his head at the extraordinary element of the whole situation and then leaning forward to softly kiss the crook of her neck.  
  
"Yeah, that or the kissing," Willow replied and Buffy smirked, leaning her head back to rest it against his shoulder as she nodded.  
  
"Mh, could be you're right," she sighed, clearly enjoying the vamp's oral voyage over her skin.  
  
Willow observed them.  
  
Of course there wouldn't be a very huge change on Spike. He seemed to be rather in touch with his true feelings toward the Slayer, and he seemed to have been so for quite some time now too; also the deal with the soul might have some effect and so Willow supposed the original spell wouldn't get to him in the same way as it obviously had Buffy.  
  
"I need to speak with Spike alone," Willow said and Buffy sighed as he pulled away from her.  
  
"Why?" she then inquired and Willow shrugged dismissively.  
  
"I need to explain something," she then answered, walking ahead of the vamp up to the front door and opening it before she stepped outside.  
  
"I'll be right back," Spike mumbled into one of Buffy's ears and she smirked, grabbing his hand as he walked passed her and making him turn back to her as she stepped up to him and grabbed the back of his head before kissing him.  
  
"I'll be right here," she stated, letting him go slowly, and he held her gaze before he smiled and turned away from her.  
  
He had a very bad feeling about what Willow was going to say and he wanted to savor this joy for just a few more precious moments. Drawing a small, unnecissary breath he stepped out through the front door as well, onto the porch, and then did as Willow requested and closed the door behind him.  
  
Turning to her she eyed him seriously and he sighed.  
  
"Out with it then," he murmured, coming up to join her on the top step of the porch.  
  
She sat down, and he did as well - even though his movement was slightly more hesitant.  
  
"The reason Buffy made me do the forgetting spell three years ago was that what happened between you two during those days was caused by ANOTHER spell," she said and he looked at her, wondering. "Yes, I'm to blame for that one. I was a beginner and... Well, of course you remember the all-do- my-will spell that got you and Buffy practically walking down the aisle," she added and now he smirked.  
  
It died quickly however and he looked down at his hands as he shook his head a little.  
  
"I'm not sure I'm following," he said.  
  
Willow simply handed him the torn up forgetting spell and he frowned as he held the peices together and then began to read. Finishing he looked up at her again.  
  
"What this means is that that other spell is still valid, doesn't it?" he wondered and Willow nodded.  
  
"The spell was called True Hearts," she answered him. "And it was supposed to make two people reveal their inner thoughts and feelings... It worked."  
  
Spike stared at her, then looked over his shoulder to the front door.  
  
"If that's so...then she really does..." he mumbled and Willow reached out a hand to gently place it on his arm.  
  
"Spike," she said and he nodded, as though he already anticipated what she was going to say.  
  
"I know," he stated. "You need to lift it. And once you do..." he trailed off now. "But...does she?" he then added, looking at Willow in hope for an answer and she said:  
  
"I need to get a hold on the book I used to cast the True Hearts spell. I need to read more about it so that I can lift it without any harm coming to either one of you."  
  
He nodded, looking slightly disappointed that she had shied from his question and as they got to their feet she hesitated before speaking up once more.  
  
"I believe she does," she said silently and he turned to her. "But once the spell is lifted... I was young and stupid, and I apologize for that, Spike. I wouldn't have put such a powerful spell on either one of you without knowing the consequences. Right now I'm afraid I can't tell you what those might be. Her emotions are unrestricted, and yes, true - for now, with the spell unleashing them. But..."  
  
He nodded, making her stop talking and she looked at him empathatically.  
  
"I understand," he said. "We just need to lift it, Willow. Find the book."  
  
She nodded and watched him as he walked inside. Deciding to linger she sunk back down on the step.  
  
Buffy was in love with Spike.  
  
Willow wondered for how long it had been coming.  
  
***  
  
Spike walked into the hall and Buffy got off the couch in the living room to join him. He didn't look at her and she grew anxious. What was it now?  
  
"Spike..." she said and he turned his head to meet her gaze.  
  
His was sad and she felt a twitch of fear in the pit of her stomach at the sight of it.  
  
"Buffy," he replied, voice low and she took another step closer, looking up at him as she faced him on arms length - wanting him to hold her again. "I can't...deal with this right now," he then stated and she stared at him, hurt rising into her eyes as he averted his gaze and walked up to the stairs to ascend them.  
  
Then she followed.  
  
"Do you think this is all sunshine and roses for ME?" she asked, coming up to walk beside him down the hallway. "I'm not even sure when I fell for you... I look at you and all I want to do is crawl up on your lap and have you hold me and tell me evertyhing's all right 'cause every time," she took a hold on his left arm and swung him around to face her as she continued: "EVERY time you say those words to me I believe them. When you were gone I felt more alone than I did when Angel left me, and he didn't hurt me the way you did. I wanted to hate you, Spike. That was all I wanted. And all I could feel was lost. I was so lost without you..."  
  
He furrowed his brow, fighting the tears rising to blur his sight as she said things he wouldn't have dreamed to hear from her lips.  
  
"Stop," he then said, shaking his head. "You're not saying this because you want to," he added, turning from her again and Buffy ignored the tears which seemed to have risen in her eyes to trail her cheeks somewhere in the middle of her pouring her heart out.  
  
"How can you say that?" she asked, once more following him and walking after him through the door of her bedroom. "What the hell would make me say these things if I didn't mean them?"  
  
He closed his eyes, his back to her, as he stopped by the bed.  
  
"You may mean them," he answered. "But if you weren't under a spell you'd never tell them to me," he added, voice almost bitter though more than that it was heavy with grief and Buffy could sense it on him.  
  
"A spell?" she asked and at that he turned partially to her.  
  
"Buffy, you remember," he stated, but she just looked at him uncomprehending and so he turned fully to face her. "Don't you remember the spell that Willow cast on you and me? It was the reason why you wanted her to do the forgetting spell. Willow never lifted that first spell, it just stayed dorment... She ATTATCHED it to the forgetting spell, remember?"  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow slightly as she pushed the door closed behind her.  
  
"I don't care about all that," she then said. "It's all in the past."  
  
Spike tilted his head a little to one side as he eyed her.  
  
"No," he then replied. "It's not. It's right here, right now - making you tell me things you wouldn't have even considered telling me two hours ago... It's not fair to you, Buffy. And, to be honest, it's not fair to me."  
  
"Not fair to YOU?!" she blurted, taking a step closer to him with a desbelieving expression on her face. "How is this not fair to YOU?" she then asked.  
  
"I'll have to live with losing you!" he exclaimed. "Once the spell is lifted... Buffy, I know you. You'll get even more withdrawn than you were when I just got back here. Because you're scared to let yourself near the possibility of getting hurt again."  
  
She took a step forward, shaking her head and he could see the anger on her.  
  
"You won't lose me, don't you understand that? All I want is to be close to you!" she said and he moaned, closing his eyes and burying his face in his hands.  
  
"Again," he then said, looking up at her once more as he continued: "The spell is twisting your head around."  
  
"What the...!" she spat. "Would you stop with the whole 'spell' thing already? This is about you and me, this is about us."  
  
He suddenly smiled.  
  
"This is bloody incredible," he grumbled. "Since the first time I realized I love you I've been aching for this moment. I've been through seeing you with that boring wanker Captain Cardboard, I saw your stumbling attempts with the sodding half-god Ben; I've gladly taken beatings from whatever number of BigBads; I've had you hitting me, kicking me, screaming at me to leave you the hell alone and I've never for one second stopped feeling about you the way I do right now. Not even in those darkest hours, Slayer, when I wanted to kill you did I for one moment think I'd be able to actually go through with it. And all I've longed for through all this has been for you to stand before me - the way you are now - and tell me everything that you've just told me. And now here we are. And it's not real."  
  
"Damn you!" she exclaimed, throwing herself at him and hitting him hard over the jaw with one fist.  
  
She fought to get in another punch, but he held her easily since the heat of the moment seemed to have gotten the better of her and soon she quited down, resting her forehead agianst his chest as her arms were pinned between their torsos.  
  
He closed his eyes, holding her and wishing they could stand there forever.  
  
Her arms moved and slid around his waist and he realized that she was crying.  
  
"Shh," he said soothingly. "Buffy, I'm sorry. I know it's confusing. Believe me, I've been there."  
  
She moved her head to look up at him and then she nodded a little, her cheeks now drenched in tears and he made a sympathetic face before reaching up a hand to brush at the wetness.  
  
"Your eyes are so blue," she mumbled and he stopped his movement to rest his gaze in hers. "They're so, so blue..."  
  
He frowned a little wondering and then he smiled slightly, nodding slowly.  
  
"If memory serves," he then agreed silently. "Just noticing that, eh?" he added and her eyes grew as she shook her head.  
  
"That was one of the first things I remembered about you after the first time we met," she said and now he looked at her quizzically, and a tad amused. "That you had blonde hair and blue eyes and was... well-trained," she mumbled the last part as she seemed to grow embarrassed suddenly and he couldn't help but grin widely at that.  
  
"Such perception," he teased and she smiled a little, looking up at him again.  
  
They grew silent, observing each other for a few long minutes of just standing still in the others arms and then he slowly bent forward. She closed her eyes and met the gentle kiss with her lips. Parting them at the same time he parted his their tongues met and she pulled herself closer to him, moving her arms up and around his neck.  
  
He broke away from her and she almost fell forward when he took one step back. Finding her balance she opened her eyes, disoriented, to meet his.  
  
"I can't," he said, but she approached him slowly, reaching out a hand and sliding it up his exposed chest - the T still being torn open down the front - and he closed his eyes at the touch. "Buffy," he once more tried to protest, voice growing coarse as her fingers gently circled one nipple.  
  
"I've missed you," she whispered, stepping closer to him and leaning into him before bending down and kissing the nipple she had just teased. "You have no idea how much."  
  
He moaned; his hands sliding up her arms and into her hair before he pulled her face up, their lips crashing together and they deepened the kiss hungrily. She traced the abs of his stomach with her fingers before pushing him away from her and onto the bed. She followed, climbing ontop of him and straddling him before she grabbed his hands and pulled him up into a seated positon to get access to his mouth with her own. Their kissing was growing more passionate by the second and she could feel his growing arousal which spurred her on.  
  
Grabbing a hold on her top she took her mouth from his to pull it over her head and when his lips closed around one of her nipples she gasped, throwing the top aside and groaning as she buried her hands in his blonde curls, avoiding the white square-shaped bandage that covered the wound in the back of his head where the chip once had been.  
  
His hands moved down to the front of her pyjama bottoms and he pulled at the string, undoing the small knot and then tilting her over so that he got to be ontop. She was almost panting with anticipation and he thought he was going crazy from the sounds she was making. He wanted her so much the throbbing almost hurt and his mouth let go of her breast to wander up to her throat. His hands pushing the pyjama bottoms down and soon her hands were there to help as she eagerly got the fabric down over her hips and then began to snake her way out of them. Finally kicking them off and away from her she spread her legs and fitted him between them. He pulled away from her to look down at her.  
  
She smiled, reaching up a hand and letting her fingers brush over his cheek before she moved her arm and pushed him so that he rolled over and she followed as they once more traded places.  
  
The sight of her completely naked figure in all its beauty before him made him nearly choke with awe.  
  
"God, I've missed you too," he said, voice raspy as he sat up once more, this time his lips forcefully met hers and she groaned, wrapping her arms around his neck.  
  
His hands explored her knowingly, sliding over her hips and up her back. Down again and to her stomach to tickle her navel and she giggled with her mouth still to his before she deepened the kiss once more, her tongue playing rough games with his.  
  
She loosened her arms and had her hands pull the destroyed T-shirt off of his shoulders and down his arms, her fingers sliding over his skin and enjoying the feel of his muscles moving seductively beneath it. Then she brought her mouth from his and let it travel down the side of his neck, kissing her way out to his shoulder before she pushed him down into a lying position.  
  
She looked down at him, her eyes misty with the desire beating her from within and her hands moved as though by themselves to the buckle of his belt. Quickly getting it undone she pulled the belt through the loops of his pants and then she threw it aside. Her eyes resting in his as she worked up the button of the pants, pulled the zipper down and then slowly moved down his legs as her hands grabbed the fabric to pull them down and off of him. Soon enough the task was done and she stood on the floor, at his feet, with her eyes greedily eating him up.  
  
"It's not very polite to stare," he remarked wryly, sitting up and sliding to the edge of the bed before getting to his feet.  
  
As he stood before her she smiled slightly at his quip before she reached out a hand and let it glide up his torso.  
  
"There was a time when you could give me one glance and I would know what real wanting of another person felt like," she murmured, taking a step into him and he bit his lower lip as he looked down at her. "I'd never felt anything like that. But now..." she trailed off, raising her gaze to his before standing on her toes to give him a kiss on the lips and then she added quietly: "Something's different."  
  
He nodded slowly, holding her gaze and sliding his hands up her arms to grab a gentle hold on her shoulders.  
  
"I can feel it," he murmured, leaning forward and kissing her deeply.  
  
She slid her arms up and around his neck before jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist. Mouth still locked with his she tried to keep down the moan as he slid into her - and he did the same; the kiss turning harsher as she clung to him and he turned to face the bed before having them fall in a heap on it. Rolling around he ended out on top and her thighs were bearing down hard on his waist as she tore her mouth from his to take a deep breath.  
  
A louder groan rose ouf of her throat and he quited it by joining their lips again. Their bodies rocked together and Buffy thought she could actually feel the blood pumping through her veins.  
  
Sex with him had been hardcore, animalistic, uncensored, pure and clean pleasure all the way. He had never failed her as a lover, he had always brought her to new hights. But this was something so entirelly different because the feel of him wasn't only intoxicating her every nerve - it was deep inside her. The feel of him made her close to ecstatic with pure joy at having him close to her; having him wanting her the way she wanted him.  
  
Brutal attraction she supposed had been between them since their very first encounter, though she had simply closed her eyes to it because the thought had been too disturbing.  
  
But now she knew that she loved him, she loved him so much the feeling seemed to be flooding her heart. And she wanted to make up for time which had been lost to them forever. She wanted to make up for what she had put him through. Pushing him, taunting him, using him until there was nothing but a broken and desperate shell of him left simply because she had been too small-minded to see the love he held for her.  
  
This undying, self-sacrificing and boundary blowing love that he held for her.  
  
She pulled her mouth from his and clenched her jaws together hard as the orgasm sent a shock wave of heat through her body. He was shaking, and she smiled a little as she eased her eyes open to look up at him - their movements slowing to a near stop as their gazes locked.  
  
He shook his head, returning the smile.  
  
"This is hopeless," he murmured and she shook her head in retort before replying:  
  
"Nothing ever is." 


	3. Of Their Heaven, of Their Earth

Hello, gals - and guys too, of course! Hope all's well!  
  
Jacy, Vampireskiss, Green and Spuffygirl - thanks for support and encouragement! Since it was there this chapter is here. ;) Thanks a lot!  
  
One more part left on this story, guys. Hope you'll enjoy this one...  
  
A.M.L, Annie.  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
He pulled away from her slowly, gliding out of her and she sighed.  
  
"We could be doing this for a while, maybe I should get us some water," she said, sitting up and turning her head to him where he sat beside her.  
  
He cocked an eyebrow and she nodded, slapping him on the leg and scooting to the edge of the bed.  
  
"Water for me, blood for you. Heated?" she asked, reaching for the robe hanging on a hook on the wall and pulling it on as she turned back to him.  
  
He still wouldn't answer, merely observed her and she smirked.  
  
"Hold that thought, and I'll be back in a flash," she assured, walking up to the door of the room and opening it up.  
  
Proceeding through it Spike watched her and then sunk back on the bed, closing his eyes and trying to restrain himself from laughing outloud with the argument that this wasn't going to last forever.  
  
But she...she loves me, he countered in his mind. She's in love with me! Deep down she really is and THAT won't change!  
  
But she might push you away, a small voice warned. Could you take that with the actual knowledge of how she feels? Of how it could be for the two of you if she would just open her heart to it?  
  
He bit his jaws together.  
  
No. No, he wasn't sure that he could take that without a fight. And pushing her would get him nowhere, that was for sure... Bloody hell!  
  
Buffy trotted down the stairs and into the now emtpy kitchen with a satisfied smile on her face.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
She jerked at the sound of Willow's voice coming from behind her and turned around to face her friend, standing in the doorway.  
  
"Hi," Buffy smiled, continuing on her set out course to the fridge to get a bag of blood and then retrieving a glass out of a cupboard before also getting a mug. "What are you doing up so late?" she added, opening up the bag and pouring the contents of it into the mug before moving it over to the microwave.  
  
"What are you doing?" Willow asked, voice slightly concerned and Buffy raised her eyebrows at the question.  
  
Mug safe within the microwave she hit the timer and then the on-button before grabbing the glass and turning to the sink to fill it with water.  
  
"I'm just getting us something to drink," she answered. "I-I mean, not US as in us-in-the-same-room-on-the-same-bed and yes, actually that is exactly what I'm saying and I'm not gonna apologize for it 'cause you have NO idea how good I felt just now and how great I feel and..."  
  
"Buffy!" Willow interrupted and the Slayer took a mouthful of water as she grew silent. "It's really important that this doesn't get out of hand, you realize that, don't you? You could seriously hurt him, and yourself."  
  
Buffy smiled, then laughed softly, shaking her head.  
  
"I'd never do anything to hurt him again," she answered, self-assured as the microwave dinged and the Slayer got the mug out before she walked up to the doorway leading to the hall. "I love him, Willow."  
  
Willow met her gaze and then she nodded.  
  
"I'm happy about that," she said, honestly. "You deserve someone to love and someone who loves you back and who looks after you when you're too tired or too busy to do that yourself. And I believe Spike could do that for you, because he really loves you, Buffy. But - I get the feeling you don't even remember the spell I told you about. The spell that started this whole thing. It makes you feel things that are there, but perhaps not in the exact way that you end up expressing them... or, well, they are there in that way 'cause otherwise they wouldn't be enhanced by the spell, but it's just that you can't control them and I..."  
  
Buffy shook her head at that, walking past her friend and into the hallway.  
  
"Buffy," Willow said and the Slayer stopped, turning partially around to meet her friend's gaze. "Just remember this, because I don't know what you'll feel once the spell is lifted. If all you felt up 'til tonight was pity or empathy or sympathy... then this might get to be too much for you. If you weren't ready to admit to yourself before tonight that there was the slimmest chance that you might even be interested in something more with Spike - then how are you gonna feel after the spell is broken and the great, big, huge amplifiar on your emotions is taken away? Please, Buffy. Just think one step ahead. The way you always do."  
  
Buffy averted her eyes and then she turned away again, walking up to the stairs and proceeding to ascend them.  
  
"38.6," she said as she stepped through the door and her eyes grew wondering as he straightened his back, fully clothed.  
  
He smiled weakly.  
  
"Thank you kindly," he replied. "But I'm afraid I can't stay."  
  
Her expression dropped and she seemed uncertain of how to react to that as she watched him grab his jacket.  
  
"Well, where are you going?" she wondered, walking up to the bedside table to put the glass and mug down. "You can't just leave! Can you?"  
  
He looked at her for a moment and then he stepped up to her, bending down to kiss her tenderly on the forehead before pulling away and turning around.  
  
"Get some sleep," he urged and she felt like he had just punched her in the stomach - all the air was leaving her lungs.  
  
"Don't go," she pleaded as he walked up to the door. "Stay with me."  
  
He had to promote every shred of willpower to step through that door and he couldn't answer her or look at her or he would have obeyed her. Leaving her with nothing was worse than any of it, but he was frightened of what this affair might do to their future relationship once the spell was lifted.  
  
Buffy slowly sunk down onto the floor. She wanted to cry, but couldn't. The hurt she felt ran too deep for tears and finally she just doubled over and let it consume her.  
  
***  
  
"Willow," Spike said as they met on his way down - her way up - the stairs. "We need to see if we can find that book tonight."  
  
"Spike, I'm too tired," Willow sighed. "Can't we say we'll do it first thing in the morning?"  
  
He eyed her, then nodded as he seemed to see the fatigue on her.  
  
"I'm sorry," he apologized. "Of course we'll do it tomorrow. One request before you're off to bed though?" he added and she paused, then nodded. "Chain me up?"  
  
She frowned.  
  
"I dunno... Do you think it's really necissary to?" she wondered sceptically and he nodded.  
  
"For varius reasons," he answered. "Please."  
  
Finally she nodded her agreement and walked ahead of him down the stairs and lead the way down into the basement.  
  
"When's the gang of adolescents coming back?" he wondered as she began to secure the chains around his wrists and torso.  
  
"Tomorrow night," she answered. "Giles said they'd probably be back here late," she added.  
  
"Willow," he now mumbled hesitantly. "Do you think, I mean after the spell's gone and all... that there's any chance that Buffy might actually still...?" he trailed off, but Willow could read the rest in his eyes and she drew a small breath in resignation.  
  
"I really wish I could answer that question. I'll make sure to get up early tomorrow morning and run a search for that book. I borrowed it from a friend, but I think I saw it last year on one of the shelves at the Magic Box. Now, of course, that shelf is NOT a shelf anymore and so the actual finding of the book might take a while longer - but I'll try my absolute best," she finished and he smiled a little.  
  
"Try harder than that," he asked of her and she returned the smile before taking a step back.  
  
"All S&M-ed up," she declared and he smirked. "I'll see you tomorrow. If the First comes around tell it to smack itself over the head for disrupting our more SERIOUS issues," she added and at that he smiled widely, then nodded.  
  
"Humor, I remember that," he said and she nodded.  
  
"A good thing, humor," she stated and he nodded as well. "Good night. Don't let all the basement bugs bite," she added and he shook his head at her.  
  
"Good way of getting my mind off things," he called after her as she mounted the steps of the stairs leading to the kitchen.  
  
"Thought so," she replied and then flipped the light switch, the room flooding with shadows, and he heard the door close silently.  
  
Closing his eyes he leaned his head back against the hard pillar to which he was chained. It was - without overdoing it - overwhelmingly uncomfortable since the low stool he was seated on wobbled slightly and in the most annoying way.  
  
He tried to keep his mind off of Buffy, but couldn't.  
  
What he had done just now had been close to unforgivable. Leaving her like that. He had been so set on leaving the house all together when the fact of the First had come back to him and had made him decide against it.  
  
"I'm sorry," he murmured.  
  
"You should be," her voice answered and he opened his eyes, surprised he had neither heard nor sensed her entering through the door and descending the stairs. Though there was no mistake - it was her.  
  
"Buffy," he breathed.  
  
As he had thought, one look at her and all that obtained willpower was just another one flew over the cuckoo's nest.  
  
She was seated on the third last step of the stairs and her eyes were relentless as they rested in his.  
  
"We can't do this, Buffy," he now tried; wanting HER to be the one to stop them, as she always had been.  
  
She rose to her feet, her bathrobe still on as she took the few steps down and then slowly came to stand before him.  
  
"We can't?" she asked, pulling slowly on the knot of the belt holding the robe together and his eyes grew slightly.  
  
She seemed to be set on playing a different role.  
  
Licking his lips he watched as the knot let go and the two parts almost slid apart.  
  
"No," he nearly whispered and she took a step forward, her curves hinting beneath the fabric before she parted her legs and took one of his between them, excrutiatingly slowly sinking down to sit on his thigh and his eyes moved to hers as she placed her hands on the upper part of his chest - not covered by the chains.  
  
She leaned closer to him, her mouth just a fraction of an inch away from his, then she repeated:  
  
"We can't?"  
  
He swallowed, eyes going down again and the robe merely covering her breasts now - having slipped apart to expose her stomach and... He bit his jaws together as she moved her hips forward, sliding up his tigh to press her upper body to the side of his as she leaned down and kissed the right side of his throat.  
  
"We...can't?" she now more demanded than asked and he was taking unnecissary breaths as he felt his whole body tense in an attempt to get free from the chains.  
  
Buffy put her head up to look at him. Raising her eyebrows she then rose to her feet, taking a step back she pulled the robe closed tight around her and then she shrugged.  
  
"Well, if you say so," she sighed, turning and walking up to the stairs, proceeding up them. "'Night!" she called as she reached the door and then he could hear her walk through it.  
  
"Oh...God," he whined, shaking his head at himself and at the need to take the matter into own hands since he felt like he was about to combust - only he couldn't move, could merely suffer.  
  
He sat absolutely still for nearly two minutes, his whole body aching for her touch and his mouth wishing nothing but to make her realize just how much he needed her. He knew she had just gotten back at him, and cruelly so - he would add - for walking out on her earlier... But, God! How much could SHE take of this?!  
  
Then the door opened again and the soft steps down them could be none other than hers.  
  
She stopped before him, mischievious look on her face. He smiled at the sight of it.  
  
"Devil," he grumbled and she smiled as well.  
  
"You can't EVER do what you did up there to me EVER again, understand?" she asked and he nodded.  
  
"I'm sorry," he replied. "I didn't know what else to do. This is too crazy, Buffy, you have to realize that too."  
  
She nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"I know I'm crazy - loving an immortal vampire," she stated. "But I do," she then added, letting go of the hems of the robe before having it slip off her shoulders as she approached him. "I love you and I'm not gonna stop saying that just 'cause of some stupid, old spell being lifted! This is what I feel, remember? The spell didn't put these feelings inside of me, YOU did!"  
  
He smiled at that and she moved around him to get the chains open again.  
  
"It's just that it comes a bit too easy to sound...Buffy-like," he now remarked and she almost giggled, his wrists being free she unwrapped the chain from around him and then tossed it aside, ignoring the scrambling it made as she once more faced him.  
  
Crossing her arms over her chest she tilted her head slightly and then asked:  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
He smirked, getting to his feet and pulling his jacket off as he answered:  
  
"I wouldn't have thought you to say those three words easily, Slayer."  
  
"Well, then you were wrong, weren't you?" she retorted, watching him as he pulled the fresh T-shirt he had put on prior to leaving her room over his head. "You're taking your clothes off," she now remarked and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Yeah," he replied.  
  
"Why?" she asked and he could hear the hint of tease in her voice as he unbottoned his pants.  
  
Sliding them down his legs before stepping out of them he smirked.  
  
"Just thought I'd make you feel a bit more comfortable," he answered, nodding to her stark naked form and she smiled widely.  
  
"Is there a hidden meaning in that sentence somewhere?" she wondered hopefully and he returned her smile as they approached each other.  
  
"How about several?" he asked back and she reached up her arms to wrap them around his neck.  
  
Her kiss spoke so much louder than words and he held her tight to him as he kissed her back.  
  
***  
  
Seven hours later Buffy curled up in his arms. They had moved themselves up to her bedroom four hours ago - after three rather bumpy and lumpy hours in every corner of the basement. The morning light was spreading through the slits inbetween the closed curtains of her bedroom windows and the Slayer sighed rather happily before nestling her face against the crook of his neck. He held her to him and smiled a little.  
  
Her left arm was on his chest and her indexfinger kept making slow circles across his skin. He remembered the movement from that night in the mansion.  
  
"I wanna sleep," she mumbled and his smile broadened.  
  
"I think you should," he replied, kissing the top of her head and pulling her yet a little closer, hugging her gently.  
  
"I want you to know that I'm really sorry," she said now. "For all those times I hurt you, belittled you. I had no right to do that... and I wish I hadn't."  
  
"It's in the past," he stated silently and she moved her head to look up at him.  
  
He did the same to meet her eyes and then they both smiled.  
  
"I love you," she mimed.  
  
"Love you too," he mimed back and then their lips met in a soft kiss.  
  
She was asleep three minutes later and he listened to her calm breathing until he slowly drifted off as well.  
  
***  
  
Willow stared at the spell before her and then she closed her eyes in disbelief.  
  
How had she been able to miss reading all the fine text? She didn't remember herself as stupid. Careless, yes. A bit too much at times. But she had still been cautious. Obviously not cautious enough. The text before her, written in letters which seemed ancient in a book which looked older than that, read like this:  
  
"To release the persons set under the spell from its bonds you must have a lock of their hair. Burn the lock of hair in the flame of a blue candle at midnight the third night after you cast the spell. With the lock of hair you must also burn a picture of the female and male who you have desired to bring together. Once these two items are devoured by fire you must collect the ashes and scatter them for the wind and their emotions shall once more be set free. If you should fail"  
  
And there the page was torn.  
  
Willow had read the paragraph three times already and each time she reached the part that would have told her what to do - now that she had blown it with performing the lifting of the spell the very third night after casting it - she paused in disbelief.  
  
What exactly was she to do now?!  
  
Calming herself she moved to the computer sitting on the dining room table of the Summers house.  
  
Willow had collected the book from Anya half an hour earlier. The latter had been reluctant at lending it to her, but Willow had assured her that she wasn't going to do anything but read in it and that Anya would have it back by the end of the day - the following afternoon at the latest.  
  
Sitting down in front of the screen Willow tapped in the name of the book and hit enter, the computer beginning its search immediately but almost just as quickly there was a "no matches found" page coming up to greet her and she sighed.  
  
"Darn," she grumbled.  
  
Thinking for a moment she typed in the name of the Wicca who had been the only one to sign her name by those spells written into the book by her.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Grabbing the notebook Willow had placed beside the computer and the pen ontop of it she sat back and then she paused before closing her eyes. If she wanted it bad enough she might be able to find some link on her own, or even the missing peice of the page.  
  
Then she opened her eyes again.  
  
It was too dangerous. What if she got something wrong, one crucial peice, and she ended up ruining Buffy's sense of love forever? The risk was too great, the stakes were too high.  
  
Going back to the notebook she began to write down possible keywords to search by.  
  
***  
  
Buffy stirred. Suddenly waking with a start she mumbled:  
  
"Mom? Mommy?" as she struggled to sit up.  
  
Spike woke as well and he held her down again, holding her gently to him as she murmured something incoherent before saying:  
  
"Spike, I had sucha weird dream."  
  
The fact that she was aware of being in his arms made him almost self- conscious and then he asked:  
  
"What was it about?"  
  
"About my mom and she was throwing little marshmallows over me and I was dressed in a wedding dress only it was light blue and she kept saying it was the latest style," she answered, voice still slightly slurred from sleep. "And then we were in the kitchen and she was smiling at me and taking my hands in hers and looking all mom-daughter-bonding time the way she used to and then she said 'She promised you'd tell him. She knew. You have to tell him.' It was in the majorly weird category, I tell you," the Slayer finished and Spike frowned slightly at the sneaking suspicion that he should know what Joyce had referred to.  
  
Then he shook it off as they now both moved their heads to look at the other.  
  
"It sounds it," he nodded and Buffy smiled.  
  
"Good morning," she said, pulling up a little to grace his lips with a kiss.  
  
"Good afternoon," he corrected and she smiled again, then she pouted as he deterred from returning her gesture of affection.  
  
He smirked before moving his head forward to nibble her lower lip and she moved her left hand up over his chest and into his hair to pull his mouth closer before she deepened the kiss. They pulled apart after a long while, both content as they once more relaxed in the others arms.  
  
"I'm scared," Buffy murmured.  
  
"What for?" he asked and she kissed his shoulder before she pressed herself closer to him, answering:  
  
"That I'll go all stupid and Buffy-like and push you away once Will figures out how to lift the spell."  
  
He smiled, holding her tight.  
  
"Me too," he then grumbled and she gave him a playful shove.  
  
"Really not helping here," she stated and he looked down at her for a moment before biting the tip of her nose and she cried out in surprise and fake-pain before she laughed.  
  
He smiled and then kissed her. She let out a low "mh", returning it.  
  
"I want this to last forever and ever," she sighed as she placed her head on his chest again and he reached up a hand to gently run his fingers through her hair.  
  
"Me too," he agreed and she smiled.  
  
"We could stay in bed, talking and cuddling and kissing," she mumbled dreamily and he closed his eyes at the thought, enjoying it as much as she did. "Making love..." she then added and he opened his eyes again.  
  
Then he smirked.  
  
"Set a new record?" he wondered and at that she giggled.  
  
"Well, for the In-The-Bed category, anyways," she retorted and he laughed softly. "If I asked you something... would you answer me?" she wondered and he grew serious as he nodded.  
  
"Always," he assured and she paused for a few moments before she said:  
  
"When did you first know that you loved me?"  
  
He chuckled.  
  
"It's...a little over two years ago now, I suppose - if you don't count the spell thing which I of course forgot. It was the night I kidnapped that doc from the Initiative, remember?"  
  
"Oh, how could I forget?" she wondered. "I was so angry with you I wanted to boil you alive. And I was so scared I hardly wanted to face you," she confessed and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Didn't show on you," he said and she smiled.  
  
"I'm the Slayer, you think fear shows on me?" she asked and he smiled as well.  
  
"You hid it well," he complimented and she smirked.  
  
"I think I rather would've let you kill me than have shown you just how much you frightened me," she stated and now he laughed.  
  
"Well, I can't bloody blame you," he assured and she smiled, looking up at him.  
  
"I love to hear you laugh," she said, voice warm and he returned her smile. "I don't think I've ever really heard you do that."  
  
Now he tilted his head to one side as he observed her and he didn't need to say anything. Of course he hadn't had too much to laugh over during the past few years or so.  
  
"I'm sorry," she mumbled and he shook his head, moving a hand up to brush away some runaway locks of hair from her cheek.  
  
"Don't be sorry for things you can't change," he replied and she smiled tentatively at that before pulling herself up and kissing him lovingly.  
  
"You think you're so clever, don't you?" she asked and he gave her another kiss on the lips before nodding intently. "Well..." she tried, then shook her head a little. "That's 'cause you are."  
  
"Woah with the slander!" he shot and she smiled widely at that.  
  
"Kiss me?" she asked and he nodded, pulling her to him and kissing her deeply.  
  
Kissing him back she reached up and put her arms up behind his head, moving so that she lay ontop of him.  
  
He slid his mouth from hers and down the side of her throat. Biting her lower lip she murmured:  
  
"Touch me."  
  
His hands obeyed in the next instant as they slid down her back beginning to explore every curve of her body. She moaned.  
  
"Let me..." she whispered.  
  
His lips found hers again and then she reached down and carefully directed him into her, his eyes growing and she smiled. Kissing him again as she started to move her hips slowly. His hands placed themselves on them, and he closed his eyes in rapture. The mountain built laggardly and she closed her eyes as well. The joined release had them both breathing hard and she rested still ontop of him, their chests scraping together gently as they descended.  
  
"You liked?" she whispered now and he smiled, nodding.  
  
"Want more," he murmured and she returned his smile.  
  
"Okay," she agreed and he had a teasing expression grow into his fearures before he said:  
  
"You're so easy."  
  
She raised her eyebrows, then moved her head forward, parted her lips and took his lower lip between her teeth. He made a small noise as though it was hurting him, but the moment following it turned into another sort of sound as her tongue traced it in one lushious movement.  
  
Sliding down to press her lips agains the cool skin of his upper torso he let hear a moan of anticipation and she smiled, licking her way to his right nipple and then scraping her teeth against the delicate skin around it. Now he drew a sharp breath and she smiled wider.  
  
He was already hard inside of her and she began to move her hips once more, though this time she took it even slower.  
  
"I'm gonna lose my bloody mind," he grumbled and she moved her head up to place it before his, the hint of a smile on her lips as she said:  
  
"Then tell me what you want me to do."  
  
His eyes grew for the second time, this time they filled with lust and she was very sure he liked that game. Actually sure that he liked that game a lot. 


	4. Of Their Entire World

Hey all! Thanks so much for your comments and feedback! I'm so gald you've liked this up until now and I really hope you'll continue to! Guess you're reviews'll tell me that! ;)  
  
Spuffygirl, hey! Glad you like it and the updates are on me. ;) Thank you!  
  
Haley, girl! Hey! On P2: Oh, well, having been watching fav scenes out of S5 for the past few days I believe the word we all unite in calling Buffy by is B-I-T-C-H! God, that girl gets on my NERVES sometimes! Anyways, the answers only a few clicks away... ;) Really glad you're liking this, my friend! On P3: Ohhhh, I'm glad to have you guessing and wondering and hoping and thinking! ;) And no, I suppose it hardly does count... Heeeere's the last part, girl! Thanks so so much for reviewing both c's, as always!  
  
Wendy, hey. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it and here is that last part with a lotta answers. ;) Thanks for the feedback!  
  
A.M.L, Annie.  
***  
The Bronze was packed due to the live performance of a new group calling themselves "Delayance".  
  
The crowd swayed to the music, arms reached up as young men and women cramped the dance floor in front of the small stage. Buffy rested her head onto Spike's chest and he held her to him as they finished their dance.  
  
They had arrived an hour earlier.  
  
Willow had, once the two decided to show their faces downstairs a good while into the afternoon, told them of her troubles with the spell and Buffy had happily dismissed it as something that surely would work out and had then told Spike that she itched for a getaway and that she suggested he treated her to an evening out of the house. He had agreed, however slightly hesitantly as Willow had given him a meaningful look to remember what she had told him.  
  
When Buffy was changing Willow had pulled Spike into the kitchen and given him the load down of the situation. How she had spent most of the day searching the Net and calling the few people she knew could know anything about the spellbook. Coming up empty handed save one clue which had just been brought to her attention ten minutes earlier by a lucky coincidence as she scanned what seemed like an unrelated site on the Net.  
  
She was going to spend her evening tracking that lead and hopefully she would have the way to lift the spell completed before dawn the following morning.  
  
"Let's just hope nothing happens before then," she had added and he had frowned questioningly.  
  
"What could happen?" he wondered and she had relented to answer as Buffy walked down the stairs, but he had seen the close way the Wicca eyed the Slayer and it had unsettled him in a very disturbing way.  
  
He was, however, soon to find out just what Willow had been referring to.  
  
The song came to an end and Buffy sighed contentedly as they released their hold on each other, then slid one hand into one of his as they turned and walked through the club and up to the bar.  
  
"A lotta people tonight," Spike said and she nodded, jumping up to sit on one of the barstools before ordering a glass of white wine and then turning to him with a small smile as she watched him for a few moments. "What?" he asked, having a seat as well, and she shook her head a little.  
  
"Just that I'm with the hottest guy in here," she answered, leaning closer to him and he smiled as she ran her lips over his cheek before adding: "I'm just enjoying the view."  
  
"Flattery 'll get you far," he assured and she smirked, pulling away to give him a soft kiss.  
  
"I'll remember that," she said, voice low and her eyes growing dangerous as she licked her lips and he drew a shaky breath.  
  
"I hope you will," he grumbled as she turned and took the glass the bartender had just put before her.  
  
Bringing it to her lips she sipped it, turning to him again and her eyes suddenly grew slightly before she put the glass down and said a simple:  
  
"Excuse me."  
  
He cocked an eyebrow, but nodded. Not reacting until he watched her take a mere five steps away from him and then knock a brunette on the shoulder. The girl turned around and Spike strained to hear what was said over the loud music:  
  
"Sorry, but what the hell do you think you're doing?" Buffy opened with.  
  
Charming.  
  
"Excuse me?" the young girl, now turned to face the Slayer, asked - surprised.  
  
"Oh, you think I didn't see what you did, you little skank?" Buffy shot, voice growing so cold it almost cut Spike's ears and he quickly got off the stool to approach the two.  
  
"Hey, I don't know what the hell your problem is," the girl retorted, "but I haven't done anything."  
  
"You just eye-balled my man! You think that's nothing, you ho?!" Buffy exclaimed, growing furious just as Spike placed a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Buffy," he tried, but she turned to him with a shake of the head, though her eyes were calm as they met his - a trace of warmth in them as she looked at him.  
  
"Not now, honey," she simply replied, turning to the girl who had crossed her arms over her chest with a disbelieving expression growing onto her features.  
  
"You calling me a 'ho', you crazy bitch?" the girl demanded, putting her chin forward challenging and Buffy's eyebrows rose.  
  
"You have no idea who you're talking to so I'm gonna let you off the hook for that nick, there," she stated coolly. "But yeah, I'm calling you a ho," she then added and the girl's eyes filled with anger.  
  
"Look, I didn't 'eye-ball' any part of your man," the girl replied, turning her eyes on Spike and then letting them slide over him before she added: "Though if I had I sure as hell wouldn't be apologizing for it."  
  
Buffy bit her jaws together and then she reached out a hand, grabbing a hold on the girl's as she said:  
  
"To teach you propor manners: you shake hands to say 'good-BYE'," and at the last word she squeezed the girl's hand hard.  
  
The brunette's eyes grew as pain began to course up her arm.  
  
"Buffy!" Spike exclaimed as he could hear the bones shifting and Buffy let the girl's hand go with a dark look at the latter before almost hissing:  
  
"Next time I'll teach you how to say good-night in so many different ways you'll forget to thank me once I'm done."  
  
The girl, holding her damaged hand with the other, turned and practically ran from the crazed blonde and Spike stared after her before he turned to Buffy.  
  
"What the bleeding hell are you doing?!" he blurted and she raised an eyebrow, her face the picture of devotion as she stepped up to him and slid her hands up his chest.  
  
"Just protecting my territory, lover," she answered seductively.  
  
He grabbed her wrists and forced her arms down as he took a step away from her, shaking his head.  
  
"That isn't you, you never use your strength like that," he protested and she smiled suddenly.  
  
"I can't see why your so upset," she replied. "It doesn't matter, it was self-defense."  
  
He frowned at that.  
  
"Are you even listening to yourself?" he asked and she giggled.  
  
"I wish I could avoid it, honey, but it's kinda hard," she answered him teasingly and he was about to retort when she grabbed his hand, suddenly serious as she nodded towards the back door of the club. "Vamp," she stated and he turned to see the shadow that slipped outside. "He's got someone with him," she added and Spike nodded as they moved toward the exit.  
  
Stepping into the alley Buffy's eyes fell on the large vamp who had a girl pressed up against a wall. He seemed to have just vamped out as he was lowering his mouth to the girl's neck, who in turn seemed completely out of; dazed with a few too many drinks.  
  
"And she's just a baby," Buffy grumbled, bringing out her stake and Spike raised his eyebrows.  
  
"She doesn't look that young to me," he replied and the Slayer shook her head.  
  
"Not the woman, the night. She's already drunk out of her mind and it's not even nine o'clock. It's really sad," she stated and he shook his head at her before she moved forward, launching her attack on the vamp, which growled as she spun it around and away from its highly anticipated dinner. "One would think," she now said as she kicked out her foot and sent it flying, "that just ONE of you would learn that the Bronze NEVER is a good place to scope for food," she continued, facing it as it stood and ducking to avert the punch it threw before placing a left-hook in its stomach. "But I guess you pea-sized brain morons only have blood on you mind," she finished, straightening her back as she added: "How am I doing so far?"  
  
There was no answer from where she had expected it and she frowned slightly before partially turning around to look over her shoulder. The alley behind her was empty and her heart began to race in her chest as she turned fully around, her eyes taking in as much of the alley as they could at once.  
  
"Spike?" she asked.  
  
Still no answer and she frowned.  
  
"Spike?!" she yelled.  
  
"Do you mind if I take off?" the vamp asked and she turned back to it with an impatient scowl.  
  
"Do YOU mind, I've got something a bit more important on my hands here?" she snapped and it shook its head as it scrambled away from her, taking off down the alley.  
  
"What are you doing?!" Spike's voice called out as he came jogging towards her from the opposite part from where the vamp had just disappeared and Buffy spun around, her face showing just how relieved she was before she threw the stake to the ground and ran up to meet him.  
  
"You scared me!" she nearly exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tight. "I thought something had happened to you, pulling a vanishing act like that!" she added.  
  
"There was another vamp," he mumbled distractedly, frowning as he hugged her back before he shook his head, making her release his hold on her and taking a step back. "You just let that vamp run off," he said now and she raised her eyebrows. "You had a clean shot, I saw you," he added and she smiled, seemingly not very bothered by the fact of a fiend slipping through her grip.  
  
"One of a thousand won't make a difference, I'll get him next time," she replied and Spike stared at her. "I got distracted!" she then defended before turning to the passed out girl lying at the base of the brick wall she had been three seconds from being killed against.  
  
"Let's get her inside, see if anyone knows her," Buffy sighed, walking up to the girl and propping her up against the wall.  
  
The Slayer then grabbed one of the stranger's arms and pulled it over her own shoulders to support the former as she herself got to her feet, pulling the other with her.  
  
"You gonna help me or just stand there?" she then asked Spike.  
  
"No, I'll help," he answered, coming up to her. "Not that you need it," he added and she smiled a little.  
  
"Just thought it could be something we could do together," she replied and now he smiled as well.  
  
"You have a pretty weird veiw of romance," he stated wryly as they walked up to the back door and she huffed.  
  
"Tell me about it," she sighed.  
  
***  
  
"I dunno what the bleeding hell to do," he grumbled, resting his forehead in his hands as Willow put a mug filled with newly heated blood before him.  
  
"From what you tell me this is getting into that serious stage I was kinda praying it wouldn't even get close to," she said and he nodded, looking up at her as he put his hands around the mug.  
  
"It's scary, Willow. It's like it's turning into..." he trailed off.  
  
"An obsession?" Willow wondered silently and he nodded again. "As can any love, I guess," she stated, "if it's pushed far enough or if it's inside a head not all well. Buffy's head is well, I suppose, it's just her heart that's not doing good right now. I'm two steps away from having the answer, though," she added encouragingly. "Think you can handle her 'til then?"  
  
Spike smiled a little at that.  
  
"It's not her that's scaring me, it's the situation," he answered and now Willow nodded. "She didn't even flinch over the vamp she let go," he murmured. "That's not the Buffy I know."  
  
"That's not the SLAYER you know," Willow corrected. "Right now, though, her Slayer side is obviously suppressed."  
  
"It's not the Buffy I know either," he replied stubbornly. "She wouldn't just let innocents die."  
  
"She didn't, did she?" Willow asked.  
  
"No, she didn't. She merely bloody massacred a young woman's hand out of some jealous fit or something," he grumbled solemnly and Willow grew serious.  
  
"Right," she sighed.  
  
"What's up with the gloom in the room?" Buffy asked, entering the kitchen.  
  
She had taken a shower and smelled sweetly of vanilla and eucalyptus.  
  
Spike stared at her, taken by her innocent beauty and feeling his love for her swell within him. The thought of losing what they had - how fickle and loose-based as it was - made him feel the need to cry. He got off the stool he had been seated on, turned and walked up to the kitchen door without another word. Buffy watched him go, quizzical, and then she slowly followed.  
  
He had taken a seat on one of the lawn furniture chairs and he didn't look up when she came out to join him. She stopped before him, dressed in a baggy white sweater and black sweat pants and her hair still wet. He kept his eyes on his hands and then closed them when she sunk down on her knees to make him look at her.  
  
"Spike?" she asked softly, wrapping her hands carefully around his.  
  
At the touch he suddenly sobbed and Buffy felt a ripping need to cry with him at the sound of it.  
  
He moved himself forward slightly, taking his hands from hers to wrap his arms around her and she put her own around his neck as he pulled her to him in a hard embrace. Burying his face in the soft and wet curls of her hair he began to cry for real and she frowned.  
  
"Oh, baby," she said soothingly, stroking his back with one hand as the other was placed behind his head. "Honey, don't cry," she added, not sure how to comfort him since she didn't know what had brought this emotion into play in the first place.  
  
"I don't wanna have to let you go," he got out inbetween sobs and she shook her head.  
  
"You won't have to let me go," she assured, pulling back to make him meet her gaze. Looking deep into his eyes she moved her right arm to let her hand brush away his tears. "Because I won't ever let YOU go," she added and he sniffled.  
  
"I love you," he said and she nodded. "I love you," he repeated as she wrapped her arms around him again and he once more held her tight, still not able to stop crying; savoring her scent, her embrace, as he wept with his forehead on her shoulder.  
  
A sudden feeling began to emerge within him and then it blew everything else away until he was left with the nakedness of it and it didn't matter how much it scratched him to have it inside - it was there to stay. And it told him that this wasn't right. He couldn't do this.  
  
Pulling away from her as he got to his feet he drew one hand over his face to get rid of the tears and then an unnecissary breath to steady himself as he said:  
  
"I'm sorry... We just can't keep doing this right now. It's getting completely outta hand, love. When the spell is lifted, then maybe..."  
  
"The spell, the spell, the spell," she whined, still on her knees on the ground as she looked up at him. "Don't you see that it doesn't matter?!"  
  
"But it DOES!" he exclaimed. "You're different, Buffy."  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Of course I'm different," she replied, rising to her feet. "I can finally see what I've wanted for so long, what's made me feel ill with longing 'cause I was too blind to recognize it for what it was. For who you are," she added and he took a step back as she took one forward.  
  
"Stop," he said and she shook her head, though her smile faded slightly.  
  
"I can't ever stop loving you," she stated and he turned, heading back toward the kitchen door. "Don't walk away from me!" she called after him and he could hear the growing anger in her voice. "We're not done here!"  
  
"We'll finish this once the spell is lifted," he replied and she let hear a growl of sudden impatience which had him twirl around to face her.  
  
She came storming after him now, approaching him as she said:  
  
"I'm so sick of worrying what'll happen when the spell IS lifted." Stopping before him her eyes grew pleading as she seemed to calm slightly, adding: "What if something horrible happens to me? What if I choose to forget, or push all of it away again?"  
  
He clenched his fists together, not answering her since the fear within him was beginning to claw again. The thought was simply too much of a torture to him, he couldn't stand it.  
  
She pushed past him and inside. He stood still for a few moments and then the upset yell of Willow made him turn and run into the house, in the Slayer's tracks. Entering the dining room he saw Buffy chasing Willow - who was clutching the spellbook against her bossom protectively - around the table.  
  
A rather comical sight, had you not known the seriousness behind it.  
  
"Give it to me!" Buffy demanded, practically shouting and Willow shook her head, quickly moving around the table with her eyes on the Slayer as the latter tried to advance on her friend, but failing. "Wills, GIVE it to me!"  
  
"No!" the Wicca shouted back. "No frickin' way!"  
  
"Buffy!" Spike exclaimed, the force of his voice making both of the young women stop and turn their heads to him. "Look at what you're doing," he now said, eyes in Buffy's. "This isn't you. Deep down you know I'm right."  
  
Buffy swallowed, looking at him and then at Willow, then back at him and her eyes softened.  
  
"I only wanna be with you, Spike," she said and he closed his eyes. "I wanted to make sure that we'll always..."  
  
"Just stop it!" he interrupted, voice traced with something resembling despair and then he tore from the doorway and ran into the hall.  
  
"Spike!" Buffy called, following him as he quickly took the stairs to the second floor. "Spike, listen to me, please!"  
  
"I can't listen anymore, Slayer," he replied, stopping at the top and turning to her as she reached him. "I can't do this. It's wounding me from the inside to have you and still not have you. Don't you understand?" he asked, grabbing her upper arms and looking into her eyes as he added: "The only thing this is causing me is pain!"  
  
He let her go and started down the hallway.  
  
Buffy stared after him, feeling as though he had just ripped her heart out of her chest. Tears filled her eyes from the hurt as well as the rising, inexplicable rage with him. How could he do that? How could he say that after all the things she had told him?!  
  
"You can't just shut me out!" she called after him, then got moving as she heard the door of her room close harshly. "I need you so much it makes me ache inside for you whenever you're not near me," she said, stopping by the door and putting a hand on it, leaning her forehead against it as she lowered her voice to a normal tone, continuing: "You can't turn away from that, Spike. I know you. You love me, hon. And you crave my love just as much as I do yours. You won't be able to stay away... Can't you see that were meant to be together? ...Spike?"  
  
She reached her hand down to the knob and twisted it. It was locked.  
  
"Let me in," she pleaded. "Spike, let me in. Let me in!" she exclaimed, banging with her left fist harshly one time.  
  
Pausing for a second she then took a step back and kicked out one leg.  
  
The door flew open and she stepped into the doorway as he faced her, his expression rather shocked.  
  
"Buffy," he said, holding his hands out with their palms to her. "Stop this, it's bloody madness."  
  
"Why won't you let me love you?" she asked, tears suddenly rising in her eyes and he swallowed as he recognized those words.  
  
He had once asked her that very same thing.  
  
"It's not that," he answered her silently, her tears spilling over and he wanted to walk up to her and hold her, make her feel reassured. "It's not that I won't let you. It's that I can't. It's wrong, Buffy."  
  
She frowned.  
  
"How can it be wrong?" she asked, voice trembling. "Don't you believe me?"  
  
"Yes," he answered. "I believe you, and I can't tell you how high I get just on that fact. But this situation isn't..."  
  
"What 'situation'?" she interrupted, shaking her head a little.  
  
Downstairs Willow's eyes grew as she grabbed a pencil and began to write down what she had just stumbled across. She rose and ran into the kitchen, grabbing the kettle with hot water she had prepared - for the cup of tea she had been craving - and pouring some of it into a bowl which she retrieved. Then she also got a red candle from the supply in one of the cupboards.  
  
Returning to the table in the dining room she struck a match from the box lying there and lit the candle.  
  
"I love you!" Buffy said, taking a step forward and holding her hands out pleadingly to him. "Just hold me, Spike. Just hold me and tell me that you love me too, I need you to say it."  
  
"I'm breaking into peices, Buffy," he murmured. "And you don't need me to say it, you know how I feel."  
  
"I still wanna hear it," she stated, tears still forming in her eyes and he blinked as he felt a set of fresh ones rise in his own.  
  
Willow brought her hands down around the candle and closed her eyes, starting to whisper the chant before moving her right hand to the bowl of water and dipping her fingers in it. Bringing her fingertips over the flame she let a few droplets fall into it and a thin line of smoke rose into the air. Willow continued the chant.  
  
"Buffy," Spike mumbled and she shook her head.  
  
"Tell me you love me," she said. "Tell me I'm all you need. Because I love you. I love you so much, Spike, and you're absolutely everything that I'LL ever need! I have to hear you say those words, right now. This CAN'T be all pain," she sobbed, moving her hands to cover her face and sinking to her knees.  
  
"Buffy," he repeated, voice soft. "Our love isn't all pain... Just this," he added and she looked up at him, eyes glistening with the moistness making layers upon them. "This here - this isn't the whole truth," he continued gently. "And once Willow makes it go away you'll realize that too."  
  
She sniffled, shaking her head slowly.  
  
"No, I'll never realize it," she withheld.  
  
Willow mumbled the last sentence in that moment, finishing with the Slayer's and the Vamp's names before opening her eyes and blowing out the candle as she whispered the word "freed".  
  
Spike watched the play of emotions that drew over the Slayer's face as her eyes slowly grew. She looked overcome with that realization she had just so bluntly stated would never come to her at all. Then it slowly grew into shock as her eyes still rested in his. Then a subtle pain slid into her eyes before she bent her head and her shoulders shook as she began to cry.  
  
He didn't dare touch her. Standing frozen on the spot he watched her as his heart was tearing into two peices in his chest.  
  
It was over.  
  
***  
  
Buffy sat curled up on the couch. She looked haggard as she answered Willow's continuing questions. "Do you feel nauseous?" the Wicca inquired. "Any tremblings, sweats, irregular heart beats... panic attacks?" she added and Buffy looked up to meet the former's gaze where she sat before her on the edge of the coffeetable.  
  
Spike was standing in the doorway, his presence seemed enormous in the room and Buffy was almost painfully aware of him no matter what she tried. She had barely looked at him for the past half hour, afraid that she once more simply would burst into tears. She felt turned inside out and upside down, literally, and her head was a jumble of thoughts and memories and things she had spoken and felt during the last day and a half.  
  
"No," she now answered Willows questions. "No nausea, tremblings, sweats or irregular heart beats," she then elaborated before adding: "Though the panic attacks seem to occur every few minutes..." glancing his way she met his eyes and saw the pain fluttering across his features at her words.  
  
She regretted them immediately. She hadn't meant it like that. It was the confusion that was making her feel like she needed to crawl out of her own skin for a day or so to gather herself, and her mind.  
  
"What kinda spell WAS this," the Slayer now added, eyes back on Willow. "So many possible side affects sound more than a little dangerous," she added and the latter smirked.  
  
"Sorry again and again and again," the redhead replied. "But now, at least," she added hesitantly, looking over her shoulder to Spike before turning her head back to Buffy, "it's broken."  
  
Buffy nodded slowly.  
  
"Yeah," she mumbled, once more daring to look his way and this time he wasn't meeting her gaze as he stared into the floor.  
  
"I'm gonna head up," he murmured, turning and walking up to the stairs before pausing. "Or I guess I should sleep down here," he added, turning back around and Buffy looked up, resting her eyes in his and then shaking her head a little.  
  
"No, you need a good night's sleep," she said. "I'll sleep in Willow's room for tonight, it's okay."  
  
He held her gaze for a long moment, then gave a little nod. Once more turning he ascended the stairs quickly. Buffy watched him go. The feelings he stirred up inside of her frightened her more now than they ever had before, and she just couldn't decide what to do with them.  
  
Willow reached out a hand and let it slip gently over her friend's hair.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes.  
  
"I feel so..." she started, trailing off and trying to hold back the tears rising. "I don't know what to do."  
  
"I think it's out of your hands now, Buffy," Willow replied softly. "You just have to let it run its course."  
  
"Who died and crowned you Queen Gal-With-All-The-Answers?" Buffy wondered with a hint of wryness in her voice which encouraged Willow to think that the repercussions of the spell would not be severe, if there were any.  
  
"It grows on you," she then replied and Buffy smiled.  
  
"I wanna go to bed and just sleep a few hours away," the Slayer sighed, getting to her feet and Willow did as well, nodding.  
  
"Sounds like a plan. I'll stay down here and greet the return of the adolescents - as Spike would've phrased it," she said and she could see Buffy pause at the mention of his name before she smiled a little.  
  
"I'll see you up there. Or tomorrow," she said, hugging the Wicca who returned the embrace and then watched the Slayer walk in the Vamp's footsteps to the stairs, proceeding up them.  
  
Three hours later Buffy listened to the deep breathing of Willow as the latter slept beside her. The Slayerettes had all returned safely. The house had gone quiet about an hour and a half ago and at that time Willow was already sleeping.  
  
Buffy could not sleep. No matter what she tried she simply couldn't.  
  
After another half hour she slid out of bed and walked quietly up to the door. Opening it up she peeked out into the hall. It was empty. Stepping into it and closing the door behind her she took the few steps up to her own bedroom door and paused, her heart beginning to race in her chest. Her hand was shaking as she placed it on the knob and she drew a breath before twisting it and pushing the door open.  
  
She stopped in the doorway as his eyes rested in hers.  
  
"I can't sleep," she finally whispered, trying to keep herself calm as she watched him where he lay on the bed.  
  
The soft light of the moon painted the room gray and blue and his eyes seemed to glisten in the dimness. It made her heart beat even harder as he seemed to be able to read her thoughts... if not every last nerve of hers that was on edge.  
  
"Me neither," he now replied to her statement. "Obviously enough," he then grumbled, but she couldn't smile since she was too nervous about what she was doing.  
  
She didn't know exactly what that was, only that she couldn't lay in that other room for one second longer.  
  
"I like your hair like that," she suddenly said and he cocked an eyebrow, quizzically. "You know, a bit more curly...not so...slimmed back," she added, uncertainty in her voice.  
  
"What?" he finally asked and she sighed before saying:  
  
"Well, you told me flattery'd get me far, remember?" she asked. "Just wanted to...ease the tension."  
  
"Did it work?"  
  
"No," she answered, meeting his gaze before he let his drift out of hers and she felt the insecurity wash over her again.  
  
"Can I come in?" she finally asked and now his eyes were back in hers as one of the corners of his mouth rose ever so slightly.  
  
"I'm the guest here," he answered and she swallowed before stepping into the room and closing the door behind her.  
  
Her palms were sweaty and she stroked them against the legs of her pajama bottoms before she hesitantly took a step forward. He pulled himself up into a seated positon, eyes not leaving hers.  
  
She approached the bed slowly, walking around to the side that he wasn't on and sat down almost carefully. Her back was to him as she looked out the window in the wall she was facing.  
  
"Everything that happened... it's kinda like a dream now, isn't it? Blurred and you only remember bits and peices?" she asked silently and he observed her back, not answering. "I don't..." she started, trailing off.  
  
"Don't know what to say?" he wondered, voice so gentle it made her close her eyes at the sound of it.  
  
"No," she mumbled, confirming his question.  
  
"Don't say anything," he murmured. "You really don't need to."  
  
They grew silent at that; the stillness slowly filling the room and the space between them. Finally she moved, lying down beside him, though not in the near vicinity of him. Placing her head on the free pillow she looked up into her ceiling.  
  
"I'm completely miserable," he said silently.  
  
She didn't look at him, merely blinked, drawing a shaky breath before nodding slowly.  
  
"So am I," she confessed just as quietly.  
  
He sighed, sinking down to stretch out and lie down next to her.  
  
"Why?" he asked.  
  
She hesitated, then answered:  
  
"'Cause I'm a liar."  
  
He turned his head to her now, and she could sense the questioning gaze he was giving her.  
  
"Why?" he demanded.  
  
"I remember all of it... And it's so clear its like I'm reliving it over and over and I... I can't make it stop," she answered, practically whispering.  
  
"Do you want it to?" he asked and this time there was no response.  
  
The moment stretched to a minute as he observed her, then he repeated the question and she finally turned her head to look into his eyes.  
  
"I don't know," she answered. "It's all so overwhelming," she added, turning over on her side to more easily face him, keeping her eyes in his. "It's all so... sudden."  
  
"Is it?" he wondered and she almost blushed at the proding manner of his gaze as he eyed her. "Sorry," he backed off, releasing her as he looked away and she felt a small twitch around her heart at the loss of contact.  
  
"Spike..."  
  
"Buffy, please," he interrupted, turning his head away and taking over her fondness for the ceiling as he looked up at it.  
  
She watched him for nearly three minutes; studying his profile, his jawline, the bridge of his nose and the subtle lines on his face. Her eyes wandering casually over his bare chest and suddenly her mind was flushed with the memories of their wild escapades the night prior and she bit her lower lip, closing her eyes and turning over on her back again.  
  
She had always wanted him. It wasn't the issue now. The issue was...  
  
God, she whined in her head.  
  
Taking a steadying breath she opened her eyes again.  
  
"Can I sleep in her tonight?" she asked, adding hurriedly: "Just sleep."  
  
He smirked suddenly, then it faded and he nodded slowly.  
  
"'Course, Slayer," he answered. "Do you want that side of the bed, or should we switch?"  
  
"No, no... You take that side," she mumbled, glancing over at him before moving so that she could get under the covers.  
  
Pulling them up she lay down and he followed her lead and got the covers on him as well. Resting his head on the pillow he closed his eyes.  
  
"Night," he said and she turned her head to him, noticing that he seemed to be set on sleeping she replied:  
  
"Good night."  
  
She eyed him for a few moments, then closed her eyes as well.  
  
Slowly the fact of how they both were so aware of the other that the emotion seemed to move through the air grew on them and the tension built until Spike couldn't stay quiet anymore, he had to break it.  
  
"You asleep?" he therefore asked.  
  
Silence for a short while and then a simple:  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Oh... 'cause I thought you might've been," he mumbled.  
  
"No," she sighed. "No sleep here."  
  
Silence once more. Spike shut his eyes tight and tried to focus on anything but the fact of her being in the same room. Which of course made him think of nothing BUT the fact of her being in the same room.  
  
Buffy opened her eyes and turned her head to him again. Her heart was beginning to beat harder once more as she observed him thoughtfully.  
  
Then, not sure of what the hell she was doing, she slowly slid herself over to him. He snapped his eyes open and turned his head to her as she moved closer, her body gliding up to place itself alongside his right side and her right arm put itself on his chest as she carefully placed her head on his shoulder just below his collarbone. His right arm slid up around her back, his hand on her waist as he gently pulled her a little closer.  
  
She closed her eyes; beginning to grow all the more wiser at the feel of him near. A peice of this diffuse puzzle was slowly, but surely, clicking into place and she nestled her face into the crook of his neck as she pressed herself to him.  
  
He moved, rolling over slightly on his side to be able to put his left arm around her as well and she moved both her arms, wrapping them around his neck and they seemed to almost cling to the other for a little while, holding each other tight. Then they both slowly relaxed and Buffy said:  
  
"I'm scared."  
  
Spike smiled a little, his healing heart feeling as though it was about to start beating.  
  
"You shouldn't be," he reassured.  
  
"No?" she asked, pulling her head back and he looked down, into her face and met her gaze.  
  
"No," he confirmed.  
  
She observed him intently for a long while, resting her eyes in his.  
  
"Kiss me?" she then whispered and he smiled again before moving his head forward and placing a soft kiss on her lips.  
  
They pulled apart and she smiled tentatively as well, one of her hands moving and her fingers lightly brushing over his lips before it slid down to his chest and he rolled over on his back, holding her to him as she placed her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Say it once, Buffy," he mumbled and she smiled wider before growing serious and he could feel how her heart began to pace faster in her chest.  
  
Then she softly obeyed him.  
  
"I love you." 


End file.
